Office workers fooling around in masks

Privacy Policy

Please read this carefully.

Please stare straight ahead for 30 seconds.
(And try not to blink.)

Thanks. We have just completed a full frontal optical scan. We've cloned your unique retinal cell layout and uploaded your image to our servers. Within the next three minutes, we will run an FBI identity check and cross reference all findings with the Wisconsin branch of the KGB.

If you are “Wanted” we will turn you in and collect the bounty. If you’re unwanted, you have our sympathy. Don’t give up, there’s someone out there for everyone. They just haven’t found you yet.

What information do we collect and how do we use it?

All of it and however we see fit.

How does JesseJames Creative protect customer information?

Logan, guard dog extraordinaire, is on the case providing round the clock protection for our customers’ information. Logan is very dedicated to his mission. And he loves rope toys.

What are cookies and what do they do?

Cookies are a delicious baked good. Available in a variety of flavors ranging from chocolate chip to oatmeal raisin to oatmeal chocolate chip. Frosted cookies such as the “black and white” and the cream-filled “sandwich cookie” are also quite tasty. All will make you fat. Beyond that, we’re not saying.

Will JesseJames Creative share the information it collects with outside parties?

Absolutely. We’ll sell your information to the highest bidder at the drop of a hat. And we don’t just mean to folks compiling mailing lists. We’ll sell it to anyone. Space aliens in search of a citizenship. Mobster turncoats looking for a fresh start. Mad scientists in need of identities for their secret army of cloned humans. Or Mark Zuckerberg. You name it, if they’ve got the cash, we’ll sell you out faster than you can say “Give me back my life.”

How does JesseJames Creative protect the privacy of minors?

JesseJames is committed to protecting the privacy of impressionable young children. Which is why when we catch one doing goofy things on TikTok, we tell no one. We respect their privacy. Have a nice day. And by the way...nice shoes.

Your Consent

By using our website, you consent to the collection and use of your private information by JesseJames Creative, Inc. and all of its subsidiaries worldwide. You consent to enter into a long-term, retainer-based relationship with JesseJames Creative. You consent to a series of painless psychological experiments including, but not limited to studies involving sleep deprivation, phobia confrontation and the effects of subliminal advertising.

You also consent to dress like an infant, act like a monkey and cluck like a chicken on the third Saturday of every month. If we change our privacy policy on a whim, we will post those changes on this page so that the next time you feel like someone is watching you, you'll know we are.

We hate those annoying little opt-in boxes, so we'll just assume that since you're shaking your head, that's a yes.